It’s been a wee while since I posted, well that’s life in the fast lane! The trouble is there are so many thoughts spinning around in my head the opportunity to write seems to jettison past and then the amazingly insightful thing, or just the random thought has gone!
The belief in ones own work is hard at times. Perhaps that is the time when the big questions are pondered and maybe answered if one can be brave enough to continue making. Personally, the act of making is a 3D thinking, tinkering with problems, exploring constraints and honing skills. The absolute frustration is the constraint of time and that is where I sit now. Never enough of it to fully explore the whirlpool of thoughts that are sloshing around my head.
“You must discover the artwork that you like, and realize that the response that you make to it. You must especially know the response that you make to your own work. It is the way you discover your direction and the truth about yourself. If you do not discover your response to your own work, you miss the reward. You must look at the work and know how it makes you feel”
Agnes Martin; Beauty is the Mystery of Life.
The part I have taken from the above is the word REWARD. It has taken a long time to feel good about accepting reward for work I have done. The reward can be small, it can come from myself or from others but it is a moment to savour and not diminish. It is the fuel that can feed the moments of frustration and angst because on reflection; those moments remind us that a reward can be obtained with just a little more determination over the problem that is facing you.
I am slowly discovering how my work makes me feel, and presently I am enjoying the production of work that is of me. Not for anyone else. Never before have I been so selfish in my enjoyment of producing things. I am listening to myself, producing what I like but aware that not everyone reads it the same . And as of now that makes me feel quite good this is an opportunity to immerse myself into the personal response to my own tinkering. I am beginning to like the feeling!